smiles await when you arise
by Dr. Vamoosi
Summary: in the end of it hinata has to sit and sing and stare at the few parts of komaeda that don't look like they've been fit on wrong, his eyes, maybe, not the lopsided shape of his grin or the stillness of his hands. [SDR2 ENDGAME SPOILERS]


in the end of it hinata has to sit and sing and stare at the few parts of komaeda that don't look like they've been fit on wrong, his eyes, maybe, not the lopsided shape of his grin or the stillness of his hands. but the wrinkle of skin and the hollow shapes under his cheekbones make hinata shiver, so he settles on looking just past him instead. after all these weeks he should be familiar with it now, if not comfortable then not thrown by it whenever he looks over to expect komaeda's bright little smile and gets an empty face instead, but it's the same as expecting an extra step on a staircase. trip over yourself and your stomach drops and you double check for it anyway.

he got sick because he'd been sick because he hadn't been lying. komaeda'd spend ages just taking off the school ring hinata had given him and putting it back on, putting it between his teeth, looking up with that wide-eyed innocent expression when they asked what he was doing and saying oh just adjusting my ring! he'd clean it for an hour, he'd smooth all the wrinkles out of his jacket, but he would forget to wash his hands or change his clothes. hinata could only shrug when naegi gave him questioning glances because he didn't know, he never knew what komaeda was thinking, but this was far for even him. komaeda'd get sick, colds, flus, and not tell anyone and perpetuate it and get worse and worse.

he started stumbling and tripping like someone just learning to walk and tsumiki said or maybe someone forgetting to walk and excused herself.

he got real sick because he hadn't been lying, not entirely, he couldn't really curl his fingers around hinata's shoulder anymore to tell him it'd all been a practical joke but the concept got through anyway and hinata couldn't convince him it hadn't been. a joke. a sick twist of fate, anyway, they get out of there all alive and themselves and safe and this is komaeda's luck. probably komaeda'd say it meant something really good was going to happen, if he'd acknowledge that something bad was happening now.

he can't hardly talk and he can't hardly walk and he doesn't swallow food and he's got a cough and a fever from some untended cold but he still hangs on to the sounds when hinata talks to him, brightens up at the edges of his mouth and eyes the way he only does for hinata anymore. tsumiki told him it's probably better they don't try and stretch it out much longer, it's dangerous outside already, he wouldn't fare well. hinata pressed his mouth tight and said well, whatever, i'm not his keeper, and his clenched fists shook some and he said do what you have to and went to sit down by komaeda's bed.

he sings to him even though he doesn't sing, like, ever. komaeda always smiles biggest at that, since he used to always try and get hinata to sing, jokes like sing me a lullaby hinata and won't you serenade me sometime it's cheaper than buying gifts. he doesn't even know what to sing, so he comes up with children's tunes and the school song and well that'd probably be komaeda's favorite anyway. komaeda helps him finish it, kinda, half-formed echoes of words and if this isn't the most unfair thing where's his damn luck wasn't that island enough bad luck to keep him set for a life time it should be good luck all the way down now and it's not and that's not fair. hinata gets mad and calls komaeda a talentless hack and komaeda nods and coughs.

no, hinata amends, no, that was a lie, you're real talented, more than any of us, you're the reason we got off that island, it was all your luck. he spirals into that, these dumb empty praises that he would never have meant before and he feels sick for only coming up with them now. komaeda finds his hand (his is burning hot) and takes it loosely. he pulls it up to his face and kisses hinata's knuckles and hinata pulls away like it stung. stares at the little glistening bit of spit komaeda left on the rise of his fingers.

he doesn't say i'll miss you because last time he tried komaeda wanted to know where hinata was going. he doesn't say bye or i'm sorry or goddammit komaeda get a hold of yourself come _on_. he says i'm gonna go grab some dinner, i'll see you later, because it's fitting ending it all on a lie, isn't it. it isn't.

komaeda shakes his head and touches hinata's hand and manages to say pretty clearly, "sing."

and hinata's already on his feet but he stills and he sits back down and he says, "yeah, all right." they sing hymns and dumb rock songs and old classics and they get stuck on this tune golden slumbers over and over till tsumiki comes in and tugs at the seam on hinata's shoulder and tells him he should probably go. he almost doesn't but then he does because he catches the stranger back on komaeda's face and it's like bile in the back of his throat. he looks back once and komaeda's gone shut down against tsumiki, like he can't hear her. hinata doesn't wave or anything. it's not like he'd wave back.

it's only five in the afternoon but hinata goes to sleep anyway and no one says anything about it. he wakes up and thinks, well, least i don't have to sing anymore.


End file.
